Okay, I cannot sleep and I'm bored so I was re-reading my old entries.

I realised I wrote about something which I knew was happening at the back of my mind, but didn't want it to be said clearly cos then I'll know for sure that it was happening.

Well. I was right. It's true. And I'm upset/angry/disappointed/betrayed and whatever emotions you have. Knowing it at the back of my mind did not prevent me from feeling the full impact of the truth. That it has been going on for so long. I want to throw a hissy fit at her, scratch at her face, pull her hair, tear her eyes out, burn down her house and utterly destroy her life all the while kicking and punching her. I want to inflict the worst possible pain on her.

And him. I'll never forgive him. NEVER. Maybe when he's dead, I might. You'll never imagine how betrayed I feel. I may act like everything's the same, but everything's changed.

But I'll get over it.

I have to.